Life Lessons

I was reflecting yesterday on how much (relatively speaking) Jeromy and I have gone through and learned in our life together. Further, I feel like I've learned a lot about myself during the last few years - what's important to me (and what's not), what I value, who I want to be. On good days, I remember these lessons, and stay true to who I am. On bad days, I can lose sight of these lessons, and struggle to remember who I am and what's really important in life (at least to me). Here are some of those thoughts (in no particular order):

1. Plans are great, flexibility is better: I am notorious for planning. I have struggled in the past to "go with the flow." I want to know what comes next, what to expect, where I'm going, etc. I remember before I met Jeromy trying to plan out what my dating to married life would look like. No joke, it went something like this:
"Ideally my husband would be the third man I date seriously. Each "serious" relationship would need to last at least 6 or 7 months... with the man I marry being a relationship of at least a year (preferably a year and a half). We would be engaged at least a year before getting married."

HA! That was the plan...and then I met Jeromy. Nothing went according to plan. Jeromy was my first boyfriend. It was not love at first sight, so it took a while for our relationship to develop. We dated for 4 years before we got engaged. We were engaged less than a year before we got married.

At some point along the way, I was flexible. I'm sure I resisted it (I broke up with Jeromy once due to a "freak out" regarding where the relationship was going), but in the end, I wouldn't have it any other way.

There are countless other examples in my life... trying to plan the "right" time to have a baby, trying to plan how exactly my career was going to progress (and then getting laid off...). With each example I am reminded that planning is good to a certain degree, but flexibility certainly gets you a lot farther.

2. Work to live, don't live to work: From an early age we are asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Further, when you are a bit older people ask, "What's your dream job?" Quite honestly, this has always been a bit of a tough question for me. While I feel that some of my friends, family, etc. can quickly and confidently answer the question, "College Professor" "Pastor" "Physical Therapist," I find that my answer often is just a string of things I'm interested in, passionate about, etc...not really a job/career.

Through my unemployment and then reemployment, I realized that I definitely fall into the "work to live" category. I don't really define myself by what I do...I don't really strive to have a particular job/career, etc. I know that I can do good work and make a difference, regardless of what I do. I also know that there are lots of things that make a job enjoyable for me, many of which aren't tied to that career.

I struggle because I felt (and still do feel to a certain extend) that this is not what society wants or expects from you. We're suppose to want to climb the corporate ladder, keep up with the Johnsons, become the boss. Although I struggle with the desire to "keep up with the Johnsons" and "have my cake and eat it to," the others frankly don't appeal to me. I realize my ideal job would like to be a stay at home mom/volunteer at multiple places to align with my skills and passions. In fact, I dream about Jeromy and I having the ability to stay home together. I don't doubt that both of us could still very effectively make the world a better place, and fulfill our own aspirations...just in a different way than is traditional.

I work to live. I'm lucky enough to have a job that I enjoy most days, and find fulfillment in. But I work so that I can live a fairly comfortable happy life with my husband and soon to be baby. Work is a means to that end. It doesn't make me less of a hard worker or less driven. I just know what's important to me, and work is not at the top of that list.

3. Don't waste time judging others: I suppose like many things, it's easier said than done. But I've realized in recent years that I have very strong empathy. Although that can get me in trouble sometimes, it also helps me to remember to not judge others. This is an important lesson to remember in so many areas of one's life - in personal relationships, in your professional life, in those every day moments of life.

My mom gave a sermon not too long ago about this. She told the story of waiting in a theatre lobby, watching people come in. She found herself making little comments in her head about the people - thinking that their skirt was too short, or their shoes looked funny, judging a bit how they looked, talked etc. Truth be told, I think we would all be lying to say we didn't do such a thing. I know that I do from time to time (probably more often than I realize).

In my mom's situation, she caught herself. In an effort to turn things around, she started thinking, "Blessed child of God" when each person walked in. She said that a simple change her thinking helped her to turn off the judging voice, and assume the best in people.

This message has stuck with me. It doesn't go well every day, but I find that changing my thoughts in this way helps me to stop judging, and just give people the benefit of the doubt.

This lesson is helpful to remember in my professional life as well. On a daily basis I talk with people from all different walks of life pursuing their Bachelors degree. Sometimes it's far too easy to judge people based on where they live, what they sound like, how they talk about their education, etc. Opening my mind, and preventing myself from quietly judging people makes me a better advisor.

Although it's not always easy, I try to shut that judging voice up as much as I can.

I thought I had more "life lessons" that were bouncing around in my brain, but now I'm struggling to remember them. It's been fun to write this, and reflect on how much I have grown, how much I have learned, and I much more I know about myself and who I am than I give myself credit for. Life is good.